Yoplait - the Regina crew

Jurgen and me, out for supper with the crew. As Lanita says, she never knows whether I will show up with long or short hair! It's only hair, afterall.



This is Gwynn (our best man), and his girlfriend, Trish. Poor them, they are often stuck hanging out with us weekend after weekend!



This is Jurgen's sister, Anna, and her boyfriend, John. Both extremely sensitive individuals.



This is Jurgen's Mom and Dad. Both caring and funny in their own intelligent fashion.

Overwhelmed with info and doubt

I just can't seem to shake this feeling. OK, let's face it, I am not stupid (people hate it when I say I am...), but I can't help feeling very overwhelmed by the amount of information that I need to learn to both pass my exams and to be great at my job. That feeling, of course, leads to self doubt. THAT is when I start to feel stupid and unworthy. And yet, there has to be a way. How many countless people have gone before me (even lately) and been able to successfully complete their residencies and their exams? I feel like if I could just go back to undergrad and have a week here or there off to study (Feb. Break, Easter, etc.) I could catch up. The reality is that if I got a week off all I would want to do is do nothing, so that won't work either. I guess the only way to know for sure if I can or can't do this is to keep trucking. In the infamous words of the blue fish (ironic! I can't remember her name!!) from "Finding Nemo", "Just keep swimming, keep on swimming...."

My cats are crazy

So, I am minding my own business, working on my questions for this week, when all of the sudden I hear this screaming noise! Well, I know it isn't me screaming, and the only other creatures in the house are the cats. So, I run downstairs and see that there are two cats outside looking into the windows - which is driving my cats absolutely crazy! I go out and shoo them away and think things are just fine, but when I go upstairs Seven has her tail all puffed out and Stupe is growling at her! So I think that this will all settle down and they are just freaked by the other cats, but they start trying to kill each other and I hear the same screaming sound. OK, now I understand being territorial with the other cats and trying to kill them, but each other? They have lived together for 2 years! Stupe even grew up with Seven. So, of course I think it is Seven that is being the instigator, but now I know the truth. I picked up Seven and calmed her down, but Stupe remains under the futon growling. I try to pick her up - and she growls and hisses AT ME! What the hell is with that? I am not a cat! I am her master! What the heck is going on with my cats? How do I get them back to normal? What weirdos.

my rollercoaster life

Wow. Life really is a rollercoaster - ups and downs, twists and turns. One moment you are screaming your enjoyment, and the next moment you feel like you are just going to throw up! Everyone's life must feel like this, but I am really experienceing it lately. The first week of August sucked - leaving Regina, leaving Jurgen, starting fourth year, the talk with my program director. This last week was great! I love doing regional anesthesia adn it seemed like this was my week. On tuesday 3/4 of my regular cases were axillary blocks (and I was 3 for 3!). We were so fast we added on a case and we were still done before 4pm. Then on call with Dr. Dangor (who totally rocks!) and we did a supraclavicular block. Sure I was up all night (mostly dealing with Obs), but nothing awful happened and we had a great OR team. Then friday was a short day and included another axillary block (that also worked great!)!! If every week could be like this, I would sail through the next two years!
This weekend back in Regina. It is cold, but a nice break from work. Than back to the grind, but start the week off with another awesome staff person who is also a mentor to me. Mayb this week will be OK too. I think I just need to relax and take the Mentor's advice - "Fourth year can be fun, it is about trying out new things." Maybe she is right. I am going to try and take it all in, experience new things, and get all the answers to my stupid questions now.
Here goes nothing!

My program director the Vulcan

My program director is a Vulcan! I was just watching a bit of Star Trek Voyager, and it hit me! Those of you who do not know what the heck I am talking about - watch some Star Trek. A vulcan is an emotionless individual who bases all of their decisions on "logic". That is him, and that is the problem. He logcially decides what it is that you "need to hear" to kick you in the ass and get you moving. The problem is that some of us are silly emotional humans, and logic just does not work on us! Logic would say that I should be happy that my husband is away so that I can study... Wrong. Logic would say that I should be happy that I am nearing the end of my residency... Wrong. Logic would say that I should be excited about being able to do procedures entirely on my own... Wrong. I wish every day that Jurgen was here. I am dreading the process of ending my residency. I am terrified of doing procedures on my own. Alas, my emotions just get in the way.

On a happier note, I am doing much better this Monday night, than last. I can't believe what a bit of furry company can do to make things seem better. God bless pets. God bless Seven and Stupe. What would I do without them? Only 4 more days until the weekend and it is an extremely short week (normal day, call, post call, half day) - even I can live through that.

I just realized that I was making life statements based on a television show... God bless TV!!

Regina weekend

It is amazing what a weekend, time with your loved ones, and a long run can do for your psyche. I am back in Regina, after a yucky (but short) week in Saskatoon. I had some challenging cases, and did some stupid mistakes, and so wasn't feeling too hot. I made the mistake of talking to my program director about how I was feeling. I really just wanted someone to say - Joelle you don't suck, but unfortunately he didn't get the memo. He basically said that he thought that I hid behind by personality too much - that I am a really nice person and easy to get along with, but maybe I am not that smart. He said that people would make their own excuses for me if I didn't know all the answers because I was so easy to get along with. Man! That is NOT what I needed to hear. He is known for the sandwich approach to comments (good, BAD, good) (you know... you are puntucal, you suck at everything, you are hygienic). I am feeling better now that I am here, but am not looking forwad to going back. Last week was hard, and I don't see it getting better. The only thing I can do is just power through it. Less than 23 months to go. Head to the books, body on the road, mind in the clouds. That's the ticket....