Just One More Milestone

I love this. This year has been full of last-timers/milestones/hoops to jump, and I have just completed one more. I presented my completed research project this weekend at our Bev Leech weekend. It was a great way to go out - on a high note. I won the "Best Completed Project" award!! I thought that was really ironic as my research essentially showed a negative result (the null hypothesis was true).
I will never have to do research or complete research ever again, unless I want to. That sense of relief and freedom is great!
I have very few of these milestones left to complete in my residency. One great big one, of course, is passing the exam. That I will have to attack with baby steps.
With this year (my years are still academic from July to July) almost over, I wax and wane, go back and forth. Sometimes I definately feel like if I just keep at it, I can do it. Sometimes, of course, I feel like I just can't. I am very lucky to have someone like Jurgen in my life. He definately keeps me grounded. He reminds me that some of the things that I think are "the end of the world" really are just not that big of deals. Sometimes you need that!
Lately, I have been surprising myself. I have accomplished a lot - "good cases" (ie. scary stuff), completed research, etc.. I just need to remember that things feel like they are spinning out of control that this, too, will end eventually.
Baby steps.

"Recruitment Day"

OK, OK, so my life as a resident is not all bad. I had a "recruitment day", i.e a Spa Day today. It is a way for the women in the department to encourage one (me) to come to Regina. We went to Essence of En Vogue (so nice!!) and each had two treatments. We had lunch at this cute little restaurant near the hospital just before. All in all a lovely day!! I could definately get used to that!! The women are so nice in the department. The nurses this time around have been great. And, I have gotten to do some pretty incredible cases while I was here. Sure, there is stress, and some of it never quite goes away, but there are good things too. It is really nice to be desired, wanted, needed. It is also nice to know that I will fit in here. They have all been so welcoming, now I know why Jurgen was willing to leave Saskatoon so quick.

The following are some pics:

This is Allison Crichlow. She did her training in Calgary. Her husband is a Cardiologist here in the city. She is one of the ones who has encouraged me to come to Regina since the beginning.

This is Joy Dobson (right). She did her training in Calgary as well. She also does ICU. She was the first person to be candid with me and tell me not to do a fellowship (she didn't find it that useful). On the left is October McAllister. She did her training in Saskatoon. We have been friends with her for years.

This is Rhonda Zwack. She also did her training in Saskatoon a few years before October did hers. Her husband is an Emergency physician her in the city. I love her sense of fashion.

This is me and Joy. I am showing off my pretty toes. I think this should become a new tradition! Once every few months we should all go to the spa together! What a good reason to come to Regina! HHHhhmmmmmmmm... definately something to think about.

letter to my mentor

How did you deal with 4th year? I remember you saying that 4th year can be fun - people let you do more, you can try stuff out, you know enough not to be a complete idiot, etc.. I agree with all of that. I have definately enjoyed parts of fourth year, but then at other times I just can't wait for it all to be over. I keep thinking that if I have to see one more time how someone does it "their way", I am just not going to try anymore. I am just going to curl up in the corner and suck my thumb.
I get frustrated when not everything goes well. I feel like I am far enough in that stuff should go well. I feel like if it doesn't go well people just think "stupid resident", and that makes it OK for them to yell at you and treat you like crap.
Then the drowning feeling (which will only get worse, I know). The overwhelming feeling that things are fast spinning out of your control. Questions, orals, research, talk rounds, Journal club, cases, application to the Royal College. It seems like there is never enough time. And 5th year is getting closer and closer and closer and the train is going faster and faster and faster. Gotta get it done, gotta get it done, gotta get it done. Can't you just hear the wheels churning?
Can I do this? I don't know. I think so. Am I good at this? Sometimes I definately think do. Can I pass? I am just not sure? What will I do if I don't? Again, the picture of curling in the corner and sucking my thumb comes to mind....

So, the question is: Did you feel like this? How did you cope? What advice do you have? Do I need medication, or is this all normal?

stressful vacation?

I am supposed to be on vacation all this week, but I am still feeling stressed. It occurred to me last night (at 11pm) that I need to start working on my "assessment for training" application - the first step in a long process towards my FRCPC. Then I started thinking about all the other stuff I need to do: Questions (sure, I was ahead because the guys did nothing while I was in Calgary, but I haven't done much since I returned), my research project (can't find any of the info that Jon was talking about), prepare for my oral exam in May (need to review my cards, make new ones, and do prep exams). I feel a tiny bit of the flutter in my chest that I am sure will become a constant occurence next year. It is only going to get worse. My solution? Take my books and my computer with me to TO. At least I can get a little bit done while Jennie is at work. That makes me feel a bit better, although frustrated that I can't even enjoy a simple week off. Sigh....

Rules for children

I am blogging tonight to let everyone (or someone) know how I feel about the newest "racism", for lack of a better word. It seems that people who do not have children (like me) are being treated as lesser individuals. Is this "Children of Men" or something? We are people too. We are just as valuable as those who do not have children. Yes, some day I may decide to have children, but until that day Iwill strive to be the best person I can be - in my work, in my recreation, in my family (family does not always mean kids). If you make a commitment to whatever, be it job or kids, it does not mean that you let all other commitments slide. Nor, does it mean that different rules apply to people with kids than without. I am just as valuable. In fact, at this point, to society I may be more valuable. I don't have teacher interviews to attend, I don't have to suddenly leave because my kids are sick, I don't have to sink money into RESPs but at the same time contribute with my taxes to education. Children are wonderful. I reiterate that someday my wonderful hubby and I will probably have children. The world cannot go one without children. I would even like to promote a large part of my practice to children. I have nothing against children per se. I just don't think different rules apply to you if you do have children.