small things can make a difference

Things are finally winding down again. My research competition is over (thank God). My paper is almost completed and revised and reviewed and revised. My marathon of call is almost over.
Coming back to the OR after being away so long was really hard. I was technically away for FOUR months. It took a long while for me to feel comfortable again. At first when the attending would leave the room, my heart would pound. What if the patient crashed while they are away? Would I know what to do if something bad happened? And call was worse. What if there is a Code? What if there is a really big case? What if I can't remember how to do an epidural? But, it all worked out. Long nights, but I did remember how to do an epidural, I was able to handle stuff, even without the attending there.
Yesturday I finally started to feel back to normal again. Maybe it was the attending I was with, maybe it was the great nurses I had, I don't know. Despite the fact that it was an all-day case, it went well. Not everthing went perfect (I struggled with the art line - the bain of my existence (don't anyone make the McBain joke), and did something stupid with the narcotic infusion), but everything didn't have to go perfect. The important things happened - my central line was smooth, the patient woke up beautifully and comfortable, and the family was SO happy when I went out to talk with them about how well he did. That is what matters.
I have little things to look forward to now, too. A weekend in May with friends, a conference in June, a trip out west in July, and my brother's wedding in August. Small things can make a difference.

Stretched too thin

I was really glad that we took some time off earlier in the month, but Man! Am I ever paying for it now! I will have done an entire month worth of call (7) in about 16 days or so. That means there was quite a big stretch where I was doing 1:2 call. Not fun, and it isn't over yet. I still have until Tuesday. I learn a lot on call, don't get me wrong, but the learning stops at 4:00 am and there has been a lot of those nights. Normally, I don't have bad call and I usually get a few hours of sleep. Not so recently. On Sunday night we worked in the regular OR until 11:00 pm, then there were a few epidurals to do, then an emergent c-section, and then at 2:00 am just as I was drifting off to sleep, there was a crashing patient who needed emergent heart surgery. We didn't finish until 8:00 am when it was time to go home. Then on Wednesday, we worked in the regular OR ALL NIGHT. I never even saw my call room! That has never happened before. Then last night we worked until 4:00 am and just as I was drifting off to sleep, there was a call from the ICU resident to come help with an intubation. I had about 1 and a half hours of sleep last night. Just enough to tide me over for our full day conference held at the hospital. Luckily, I was able to jump in the shower at the hospital (that makes all the difference!). Then, tomorrow is our resident research competition, and on call again. Only to have to do it all over again on Tuesday.
As such, I have felt very stretched. I feel like I am not on top of my game. I feel like I don't have time to shit let alone study, or start on my research. The case study that I am presenting has all but consumed me in the last week, and I have done nothing else.
Jurgen is also doing a ton of call. I feel like the only time we ever see each other is when we are handing over the trauma pager. Is this what the life of two anesthesiologists is going to be like? I sure hope not.
I also feel like I suck. I don't know whether it is just being tired, or what, but I feel like the worst resident ever! I guess I just need an evaluation. Someone to just tell me that I am doing OK. Not a superstar, just OK.
On a good note, May is much better. My call, although the same number, is better spaced. I even get to take a long weekend in which I will be travelling to the city of my birth to visit with some of the best people in the world! So looking forward to that!
Then in June, we have a conference in Vancouver. That will be a lot of fun!
Then in July and August, Hornby Island, and my brother's wedding.
Lots to look forward to, I just have to make it through the next three days and everything will go back to normal.

Grey's Anatomy

One of my new favorite shows is Grey's Anatomy on ABC. It is about some "surgical interns" and their lives as such. It is funny, entertaining, and both so right, but so wrong. The right part comes from how they feel. Scared, overwhelmed, tired, but loving every minute and depending on each other to make it through. The wrong part is some of the medical stuff. General surgeons, for example, do NOT perform cardiac surgery or neurosurgery, or vice versa. Tonight's episode had a guy who they wanted to make an organ donor and it was such a big deal to figure out who he was within 6 hours so that they could get the families permission. You don't just pull the plug because it has been 6 hours and say, "oh well, I guess he just won't be an organ donor". You wait until the family shows up, or you know who he is before you "declare him" and call it quits. The other gripe I have with the show is that sure it is about interns, but I don't think they quite know what a resident does. The intern, to me, would be like what we call a JURSI or a clinical clerk in other areas of the country. They are senior medical students who have not yet graduated from medical school but are able to see patients and help treat them, but are lowest on the totem pole. Residents climb the ladder according to year and have progressively more knowledge and resposibility.

I do appreciate the humanness this show gives to what I do. In that respect, it is very real. It is funny to find something that mirrors an aspect of your life so well in one part and so badly in another.

Beach Bunny

Life is wonderful when you are sitting on a beach, the sun shining down, the waves crashing in, and a pina coloda in your hand. Not a care in the world, nothing to worry about, nothing to think about except what we are going to have for supper and whether or not to go to the show in the evening.
Mexico was fabulous. We just got back from an amazing week in the Mayan Riviera in a great resort just outside Playa del Carmen. I was so relaxed while we were there.
There was so much to see and do, that we couldn't possibly have done or seen in all. Swimming in the ocean everyday, walking along the beach holding hands. We saw the Mayan ruins of both Coba and Tulum (different, but both fascinating), went zip-lining, repelling down a cliff, and we went swimming in an underground cavern (called a cenote). We visited a true Mayan village and ate some of their food. It was amazing!
We did a lot of shopping while we were there as well, mostly tourist crap, but that is OK. We totally could have bought more stuff, too. Mostly stone carvings, chess sets. Also some tshirts, cigars, alcohol, the usual stuff. It was fun bartering with the Mexicans over prices, but near the end I started to feel ripped off.
Nice to be back in Canada. Not feeling ripped off (except by the gas companies). Missed my kitties and am so happy to see the girls again. They are so cute. They missed us too, you can tell. They have barely left us alone. It is nice to be loved.
Anyone who hasn't been to the Mayan Riviera, I would highly recommend it.