small things can make a difference

Things are finally winding down again. My research competition is over (thank God). My paper is almost completed and revised and reviewed and revised. My marathon of call is almost over.
Coming back to the OR after being away so long was really hard. I was technically away for FOUR months. It took a long while for me to feel comfortable again. At first when the attending would leave the room, my heart would pound. What if the patient crashed while they are away? Would I know what to do if something bad happened? And call was worse. What if there is a Code? What if there is a really big case? What if I can't remember how to do an epidural? But, it all worked out. Long nights, but I did remember how to do an epidural, I was able to handle stuff, even without the attending there.
Yesturday I finally started to feel back to normal again. Maybe it was the attending I was with, maybe it was the great nurses I had, I don't know. Despite the fact that it was an all-day case, it went well. Not everthing went perfect (I struggled with the art line - the bain of my existence (don't anyone make the McBain joke), and did something stupid with the narcotic infusion), but everything didn't have to go perfect. The important things happened - my central line was smooth, the patient woke up beautifully and comfortable, and the family was SO happy when I went out to talk with them about how well he did. That is what matters.
I have little things to look forward to now, too. A weekend in May with friends, a conference in June, a trip out west in July, and my brother's wedding in August. Small things can make a difference.