future phobias

I haven't posted a blog, as I haven't really felt like there was anything exciting or new going on in my life. Nothing is really new now, I just have more anxiety about it. Jurgen I are trying to figure out what we want to do with our future, our lives. Where do we go when we are done? Am I really ready to be "done"? Not yet, but at least I have two and a half years to get to that point. Jurgen, on the other hand, needs to decide right away. It is a decision I am not looking forward to. He has decided that he is tired of Sasktoon - tired of the politics, tired of the attendings, tired of the surgeons, tired of the cases. Not, however, tired of our house here, tired of our cats, or (most importantly) tired of me. He thinks that he wants to go to Regina and get away from it all. He will only have to work 4 days a week, and he will have all the same weekends that I have off. That is the hope of what they will give him, anyway. I thought I was OK with this decision, but it is hard. I don't want him to go. I remember what it was like when we were apart before: despite only being 2.5 hours away, it felt like an entire country away. Well, there is still some time to get used to the idea. And it won't be forever.

As for my own future, not sure about that either. Not sure whether I should do a fellowship, or in what, and where ultimately I want to end up. Questions.... and no Answers.