Would it really be so awful?

I feel a little wierd writing this blog, but I know that my husband doesn't read this and I just need to hear how it sounds....
Short story: Had an "Aura" about a month ago (wierd symptoms without the migraine, but similar to a migraine). Saw the Neurologist today. He recommends that I might not want to be on birth control as I have an increased risk of clots. So, what are my options? Continue on with birth control (I am now using the much lower dose Nuvaring, so it is a little better) knowing that I have a small, but real risk of getting a clot. Or, do I go off it and take the chance of getting pregnant? Yes, I could use other forms of birth control, but we all know they are less effective. I guess the real question is: Would it really be so awful? Getting pregnant, I mean. Seeing everyone around me having children makes me think that I am missing out. I know I am not, but I just feel like it is another step of being a grownup, of progressing with my life. Another thought, as selfish and horrible as it is, is then I could take some time off work.
What does that mean? Do I really hate my job that much? I don't think so, has just been a long haul and it is not yet over. But putting my head in the sand is not really my style. I am more the type who will finish something regardless, kicking and screaming (loudly!) the entire time. No, I don't think that kids is something I am ready for (as you can tell from this selfish blog), nor have desire for. I am only exploring my options and feelings. I suppose the real person I should be discussing this with is the same one who I didn't want to read this. HHhhhmmmmmmm......