Hopes for Jurgen

To all of you out there reading this blog...
Please keep Jurgen in your hopes and prayers this weekend. June 4th will be the day that Jurgen's fate will be decided. He will finishe the oral examination portion of his board exam and (hopefully) become a fully certified Anesthesiologist!! I have no doubt he will knock their socks off!

Soon to be: Dr. Jurgen Maslany MD, FRCPC

Go Jurgen!!!

Resolution

Well, if you read my last blog you realize I was very upset (and with good reason), but I got the chance at resolution. At the end of my night on call (the end of the OR anyway, I still had to go to Obs for epidurals), PMD (the nasty attending) told me to sit down and that he wanted to talk to me. Since I had had several hours to compose myself (not to mention already having a good cry) I was able to calmly stand my ground. He told me that the reason he sent me away was two-fold: first he thought I wasn's focussed as I was chatting with one of the nurses, and second he didn't think that I understood the severity of this rare case. I stated that instead of "punishing" me and treating me like a two year old, he could have addressed the problem in a couple of more constructive ways. I suggested that he could have asked me to be quiet and focus on the task at hand, or at the very outset he could have explained how sick the patient was and the plan of action. The latter would have been better, I told him, as it would have allowed me to get my "game face" on. As for not fully understanding the case, I suggested that the way to go about that was to allow me to start the case, get the patient settled, and then ask me to go and look up the Anesthetic considerations of that case so that we might discusss it together. I also told him that I appreciated his concerns and that I would work harder to focus on the task at hand.
It was a long conversation, but I feel that I was able to make my point while both acknowledging his concerns and still saving face. I told Jurgen all this and he said he was really proud of me. He thinks I am getting "balls". Hopefullly that is only a figure of speech!! Just kidding. I guess this is what being an adult is really about.
In the end I think that my relationship with PMD will be better. He is definately someone you would want on your side, not against you.

Just when you think it is all OK

I am currently at work. Why am I not working hard putting patients to sleep? Well, I think I am being punished, but I am not sure why. I am working with the one staff that no one really likes. He is very smart and has a lot of wisdom to impart, but he is not a very nice person. I was dreading doing call with him tonight. He is very difficult to work with. He bullies everyone, especially the residents. I think he hates me and thinks I am a total retard, but Jurgen says that is just how he is. Well, my suspicions were confirmed. I was in the room for about 10 minutes, said maybe 5 things to him, and he sent me away to "go read about the case". My question is: What did I do? I asked him what case we were doing and was surprised by the answer. It is not every day that one does a pelvectomy. I asked if he wanted help, he did not respond. I asked for the height of the bed to come up and was not to move it, that it was already the "perfect height". I asked for a styletted tube (not that I thought I needed it, but we are always taught to be ready) from another resident who happened to be in the room and his response was she was NOT to give it to me and that I needed to learn how to do a "proper" larygoscopy. Then he didn't even give me the chance to do the larygoscopy, but shoved me out of the way. Then he told me to go read about the case. Yeah, lots of learning in that. Not like actually getting to DO the case. No, he is right... reading about it would be better. The other resident came and told me later that she thought he had treated me horribly. I was so upset I went into the library, called Jurgen and sobbed. It is not enough that I feel inadequate, and stupid, but to have someone treat me like I am makes it really hard. The other hard part is that when people say awful things about him I often stick up for him saying that he has good ideas, is very smart, and has a lot of knowledge to impart. That is all true, but I don't understand why he has to be such and asshole.

I wish I had a job that wasn't stressful. I wish I could work on my own without having someone telling me what to do all the time. Or, if they have to, I wish I could try some of the things. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so stupid all the time. Just when I was happy to be back in Anesthesia and glad I am here, this happens. Right now, I hate my job. I hate my life.

Tired, but happy

Had a great time in Vancouver. Spent some time with my favourite people doing some of my favourite things in one of my favourite cities. Spent way too much money, but that is what going away is about.
Back at City Hospital now. Love it there. It is so bright and cheery (who knew that natural light could have such an effect?!), everything runs on time, and the staff are great. It has been a nice mix of relaxing easy ortho cases, and complicated long urology cases.
Finished my last seminar to give for the year on Friday. Acutally a cool one to give - Difficult Airways. I talked about the boring stuff (anatomy, the algorithm, etc.), but in the end we got to "play" with all the airway "toys" and then our staff let us freeze him up and we all took turns fiberoptically intubating him! He is so cool! He is so fun!
Still doing call at RUH. Am on call pretty much this whole long weekend, so tired, but still happy. I still don't know everything, and have a lot to learn and often feel so stupid, but I think I am getting better. My staff last night told me she was very impressed with my management skills. That has to count for something!
Looking forward to spending some time in Regina in July. Should be fun. In our new house with Jurgen's new TV (he is so silly about his "toys"). Don't know if we will go on a big trip to celebrate him being done, or not. We will have to wait and see how things pan out.

Jennie's house

Just a quick post. I am here in beautiful Vancouver, BC, for my friend Annabelle's birthday. She is having a big party tonight to celebrate here 30th birthday. Should be fun. I am staying at my friend Jennie's house. It is great here. She has done a great job decorating. We will all have fun these 4 days. Looking forward to a small break from work. Wish my hubby was here. Jennie's cat Jersey at least helps fill the void a bit - she is just like my two cats combined. I miss them, but her purring helps. Love this town.