Back in Sasktoon, waiting and watching the clock tick the days by. Keeping busy with work. Now in Peds Anesthesia. Not as scared of them this time. Trying out new things. Trying to find what will work in "my practice".
That sounds funny, "my practice". That still feels so far away. I got a little closer today. Worked my first day as an independent practionner at the Surgicentre. They do plastic surgery there, and some Worker's Comp. ortho stuff. The residents who work there generally do the plastics (it doesn't pay as well). I was so terrified all last night and then this morning. What if something happens? What if I screw up? Once I got in there I realized, I can do this. I do this every day. This is what all this silly training is for anyway. It was kind of cool actually, to be totally in charge making the decisions. It will be even cooler when I get paid.
I used to think I was such a strong person, but now I think I am not. I was dreading this day at the Surgicentre because it is unknown and new. Just like I am dreading going to Calgary in Feb. Jurgen understands because he feels the same way, that is why he doesn't understand me going off to do electives. Even though I hate it, and am dreading it, I think it will be good for me. Stretch my limits a bit, make me think outside the box, help me to grow on my own and work on my independence. Hopefully, with a little shopping and skiing, I will have some fun too!