Frustrating!

Stupid mortgage. Why does it all have to be so complicated? You would think that lending money to 2 people who make decent money for their 3rd mortgage would not be difficult. Apparently not. What a pain! Glad I came home a couple of days early so that I could sort everything out!
Why they would leave signing everything to the last minute is beyond me! We are busy people. We can't just hault someone's surgery to run out and fax off some papers! And so, we finally have time, and then it is too late to send it to the lawyers.
Then, when it is finally (and I do mean finally) sent it is wrong. Saying that they won't lend us money until all of our other debt is paid off. What is that all about?! Oh, they just made a mistake. Well, fix it!
Then, insurance. We need insurance for the full amount in case something happens. Now, I think we should burn it down just to make a claim! No, but again, what a huge pain, and unexpected cost. I can see why people would not want to do all this.
I feel like all I have done today is run around, get angry, and answer phone calls. Meanwhile, Jurgen is at work feeling angry and helpless.
Well, at least our lawyer is an OK guy. He is willing to come to the hospital tomorrow so that we can get all of this signed in person.
It is done now. It better be worth it.

Anniversary Blues

Today is my Anniversary. Three years Jurgen and I have been together. Three years and he is still my best friend, my role model, my lover. But, I am sad today. I was oncall last night, and about 11:30pm I got an outside page. I wasn't quick enough to get to it in time before whomever it was had hung up. Then, this morning I checked my phone and there was a text message from Jurgen saying that it was him who had tried to call, and that he hoped I had a happy anniversary. I cried. Sweet, but very sad.

Is this what we have been reduced to? Pages in the wee hours of the night and text messages. I feel like we didn't get to properly celebrate this weekend, either. Too much going on.

I miss him. I miss cuddling up next to him watching TV. I miss the way he smiles mischieviously when he knows I've caught him in the act. I miss having dinnner together. I miss waking up warm and safe, feeling like there is nothing that could possibly go wrong. I miss talking to him about the every day stuff without having to worry about phone bills, texting, or emails.

It is probably just that I am postcall. I always get emotional when I am postcall. Still, I can't help how I feel.

Happy Anniversary, Joelle.

Emotional Writing

Isn't it funny how the only time we really express ourselves is when there is turmoil in our lives? I feel like no one wants to hear about all of the day-to-day, boring, hum-drum. People only want to hear about the sadness, the anger, the excitement, the ecstasy. Why is that? Aren't the things that happen every day to us just as important? Afterall, they happen EVERY DAY.
Well, here is an account of the ho-hum daily affairs that have occurred in the last few days.

We bought a second-hand Seadoo last weekend to go with our second-hand cabin that we bought the weekend before. We seem to be doing a lot of impulse shopping lately, and not just small stuff, either. I don't know what that is about. More impulse buying with some willow furniture for the cabin and deck furniture for the cabin. Then, this weekend, I bought some new skis (which we will probably give to Gwynn, but we have done it in such a way as to just "leave them there". Otherwise he wouldn't accept them). See the pattern?

So, we had to try all this stuff out. We went to the Lake this weekend to give the skis and the Seadoo a try (we don't have the cabin yet). The Seadoo would not work! What a major let down! We even had some of the "Lakies" giving us a hand trying to start it, and even they didn't know what the problem was. Bummer. By then, it was cold, but we thought we would give the skis a try anyway. And then, Gwynn's boat quit! Jurgen and Gwynn had to jump in the Lake and tow us back to the dock because the wind was too strong to paddle against. The world was just conspiring against us! We still enjoyed ourselves despite the lack of electronic fun.

And now? Procrastinating. I should be using this time to study, and I did for awhile, but it gets boring and frustrating. What is this question? Where is the answer? In this book? No? How about this one? Or this one? Boo hiss. Alas, this is my life for the next 10 months or so.

On call tonight. Should be OK. Man, I used to get so nervous before call. I would sit at home and perseverate about it, dreading all of the possible cases and problems. Now, I feel like I can handle it. In fact, Bring it on! The more excitement now, the better. Now, I still have back-up, later on my own, I won't. Better to experience it all now.

The kitties are with Jurgen for the next two weeks. It is amazing how quiet the house is, how lonely without them. Funny how two little furry faces who can't even talk can bring me such comfort. Ah well, it is for the best. It wouldn't be fair this week with two calls. I wouldn't have the time for them that they deserve.


So, no inflammatory comments. No sad poetry. No melodramatic overblown stories. Just my life. Just the day-to-day. Boring? Maybe. But I bet it is similar to your life. Maybe that is the power, the importance. To show that really underneath it all, we are all just the same.

Love my sugar daddy!!

I love the fact that at least one of us in our family (Jurgen, Seven, Stupe, and me) is actually finished and making money. We have become real impulse shoppers lately, and not for cheap stuff, either.
We just bought a cabin at Pasqua Lake (you can check out pics at Jurgen's Facebook site). It is a crappy little cabin which we will eventually knock down and build something better, but it is ours. 100 feet of waterfront, 140 feet deep, with a little boat house and dock. All my life I have been fortunate enough to have friends who had cabins that I could help enjoy, but never one of my own. I have always wanted a cabin at the lake, and now we do. We weren't even really seriously looking, but we found one tha twas OK, and took it.
Then this weekend, Jurgen called around for a Seadoo. Again, we haven't really been seriously looking all that long or hard. He found a used one for sale, we went to look at it.... and bought it. Total impulse shopping.
And yes, Jurgen payed for it all! I love my sugar Daddy!!
Someday I will pay him back (maybe I will give him a child).

Feel's like home

I have been back at work here in Saskatoon for only 4 days, and I am settling back in. I managed to weather through the first couple of days (which were awful) due to the fact that 2 of my good friends were down. Distraction is great. Then the next couple again with friends, shopping, and finally call.
I was worried that I would forget some things, that call would suck. But really, it just feels like home. Everyone I know. A place I know well. People greeting me and welcoming me back around every corner. Even during one of the "Code Blue"s there were people saying hello, that they hadn't seen me in awhile.
As much as I love being in Regina, being near Jurgen. As much as I had a great time there with all of the staff, I still like Saskatoon. It is comfortable, reliable. Like an old shoe.
And you know how much I love shoes!

apart again

Tears,

rolling down my face.

Alone,

and out of place.

Lonely

and missing him.

Without,

life seems grim.
Angry

at the world today.

Why

do I have to feel this way?

Everything

just went so wrong.

This year

feels terribly long.

Scared

I might not pass this test.

My life

then would be such a mess.

Stuck

in another city.

For what

feels like an eternity.

Is this

just returning blues?

Or more

depression hues.

Will this

get better with time?

Or only

once he is mine.

Some day

we'll be back together.

'Till then

we will have to weather.

The tunnel

has a dim light.

It is there

just out of sight.

Work hard

and just stay strong.

Soon,

it won't be that long.

Study

and do cases too.

If that

will help me be with you.