residency

So, since this is supposed to be about my life as a resident, I thought I would write a little bit about work. No, not just about how I am studying, and scared of failing and all that, but the other parts too. So, here goes:

I am in Obstetrical Anethesia right now. A month of labouring women, babied being born, epidurals, cesarean sections, tubal ligations, and Dave. Who is Dave? He is the Head of the Department of Anesthesiology in Saskatoon, Head of Obstetrical Anesthesia, multi-published, kind-of annoying, Dave. He definately know Obs, but it is definately HIS way.

Other than sometimes being irritated with Dave, I really like Obs Anesthesia. It is the one place where when I leave the room, the patient will often turn to me and say, "Thank you". 15 minutes later they were completely out of control, losing their mind, totally in pain. 15 minutes later, they might even be able to sleep. C-sections are a little bit stressful (they drop their BP and puke, there can be sudden bleeding, is my spinal going to work?), but there is the joy of a new life at the end. For the most part, it is a happy time.

Also, this whole "senior resident" thing is not as bad as I once thought. Attendings now call me for interesting cases. Stuff they know I might not see again. I have started to realize the benefit of being in those cases NOW, when it is not just me, and someone else is most responsible. I think some of them are even starting to respect me, and trust me.

Yes, I am still terrified. Yes, I still have doubt (about myself, my choices, my abilities, my life, my partner). Yes, there are still ups and downs. But, this is my life, this is my residency, and I do make a difference to people.
Try having surgery without your Anestheiologist (I dare you!).

I can't wait to do this for real.