Chicken little

So, I am back in the OR. Back in home base. It feels so good. There is just one thing... I suck. I had two perfectly good days until this morning at 5:30am. Monday was great. It had the potential to be bad, as my attending was the person that no one wants to work with as he is such a jerk, they were two big cases, with a surgeon who can be kind of a jerk himself. But, to my surprise, everything went really well. Our patients did well, my skills were great, I didn't do anything stupid, and I actually had a really good day. I came home with a smile on my face thinking, "yes, this is why I do this".
Then a great day precall (cleaning house, sitting outside studying, watching the cats chase mice...), and then oncall last night. We worked pretty much all night until about 5am. Despite being a long night, it seemed to fly by. I was on fire it seemed. I got every line (including a difficult IV on a 2 month old!), every intubation, my patients did great, and again I didn't look like an idiot.
Then it all went down hill. I called to Obs to tell them I was done in the OR and could come up there and do epidurals if they needed. Well, no sooner had I put my head on my pillow to catch a few zzs that they called. And do you think I could get it? No. I really feel like that is one of the most stressful things that I do. So much pressure and expectation. So, I have to call my attending to help (the one on for Obs), but in the mean time my pager goes off that there are a couple of traumas coming in.
I figure maybe my attending is still in the hosptial so I page him. No response. I get called to the trauma room... CHAOS. There are two people already there being assessed and two more on the way. The one guy is really sick. ER intubates him and puts him on a vent. I go and assess the other two and their pressure is OK and they are talking (so don't need me). Meanwhile ER puts in an artline and a central line (OK, feeling useless at this point. Those are all supposed to be MY jobs). Gen surg tells me to call back the OR and get set up cause this guy needs surgery NOW. I page my attending... no response. I call in the team. Meanwhile, I go back to the OR to try and set up, but I am thinking, "I need some help here. I don't have a clue what to set up! I need some guidance." OK, so I get the basic drugs drawn up, I call for the rapid infuser, but I really don't have a clue. Gen surg is mad at this point that things aren't ready to go. I page my attending. No response. Finally, I get switchboard to call his house and I get their nanny. She is clueless... "Do you want me to get him to call you when he wakes up?" No, stupe, I need you to wake him NOW, he needs to get his ass in here and help me. So, finally when the patient rolls in I have an attending (who is different now from the one that I called), a rapid infuser, some drugs, but still no clue. Nor did I ever get a clue. My husband finally came in to take over the case from me. He seemed to have a clue. He seemed to know exactly what to do. All I could think of was, "Man, I don't have the faintest idea what I should be doing, and am I ever fucking tired. Someone please make it stop."
So what have we learned? I do great when it comes to all the basic stuff of my job. I haven't forgotten as much as I thought. I am really happy to be back, BUT.... Give me something really big where the shit is hitting the fan, and I run around like a chicken with it's head cut off (the sky is falling, the sky is falling!). Chicken Little triumphs in the end, but can I?